review: blade ii

by sumir on 03/06/2002 10:07:00 -0800

Blade first appeared in the 1973 Marvel comic book Tomb of Dracula #10. He is half-human, half-vampire, and this mixed heritage makes him immune to all effects of vampire bites. This, of course, is the best plotline Marvel could come up with while Stan Lee was busy creating the legendary X-Men from the ground up during that same time period.

1998's Blade put Wesley Snipes in the role of the title character, hunting all manner of vampirical lowlives. I'm probably one of three comic book fans who hasn't seen the original movie. Well, I saw the previews for Blade II and decided not to bother wasting my time on it - that resolve lasted just until my friends called and asked me to tag along. I'm easily persuaded into doing things for and about comics - I can't help it.  "Okay," I said, hoping it would be so bad it'd be good.

It almost was.

The movie's plot is halfway-decent... no, wait, it really isn't that great, but I couldn't ask for something much better than this for something based off a comic book (yes, it's a sad reflection on the industry, but rarely anything is original in the genre nowadays, not for Marvel). It seems that the vampires have a new enemy - it has long been known now that the saliva of vampires carries a very special sort of symbiotic "virus". It seems that evolution has mutated these virii and changed the vampires into predators that thirst for other vampires. Once a vampire is bitten, it changes into a "reaper" with the same bloodthirsty desires.

Blade, the Daywalker, is approached by the vampires to aid them in destroying Nomak, the original carrier of the mutated virus. Blade agrees, knowing they will backstab him any chance they get. And so they descend into the heart of the (post-)modern world's vampire "hoods" to kill Nomak. Blade is joined in his hunt by the Bloodpack, an elite group of vampires who had been training to kill HIM. They are led by the exotic Nyssa, daughter of the Vampire Nation's leader. Okay, so that's part of the plot. I won't give the rest away (not knowing it might make you want to go see it).

The continuity in the movie was a little weak, which is actually pretty good, considering how bad some of these adapted stories can get. The time between when a person is bitten and when they become reapers is however long the director wants it to be. Minor vampires explode much more quickly when they're killed. Exactly WHY Whistler, Blade's "mentor", isn't dead from the end of the first movie is never explained. Half the creatures in the movie die from exposure to sunlight, but it seems like the exposure must only be direct. However, some characters are exposed to direct sunlight for a few seconds but don't die; others just burst apart like overripe watermelons* the second a light ray touches them.

* Remind me to tell you guys the story about me and the overripe watermelons one day. No, it's not like American Pie.

I didn't really know WHAT to expect from the action in the movie. It was, all in all, pretty fast-moving and good, but I think Wesley Snipes pausing after every 15 seconds so that the camera could get him in a "cool action pose" got tired really quickly. Dude, there's vampires and reapers around - just go kill them, okay?

Speaking of that, as my friend Justin said after the movie, "Blade isn't supposed to talk that much." Yeah, really. In general, I think Snipes was pretty bad through the whole thing. I understand they hired him to kick some ass... so why make him talk? Like... at all? I just can't put my finger on it still (this is about 7 hours AFTER I watched the movie) but SOMETHING was just wrong in that whole equation... I wasn't buying into it all, and I can usually suspend my sense of reality pretty easily.

I also happen to think that the death explosions were... well, cheesy. The vampires burst apart into sparks and occassionally you'll see a skeleton or some bones. Eh. The reapers kind of crack apart and go through the same transformation (but it's a little bit better there). I just figure - these guys are on a Hollywood budget... this is adapted from a comic book... couldn't you come up with something better?

My friends also cited the fact that there wasn't "one bad guy" through much of the movie, and I guess that's a problem, but I had more of an issue with the fact that no one in the fucking movie had any trouble finding each other. Nomak was exactly where Nyssa said he would be; Blade found Nomak later exactly where he thought he'd be... the whole thing was a little ludicrous. And spare me that whole love thing they threw in there - I know the reason why they did it. It's to get a bigger female audience. However, there's a big problem with that (ignoring the stereotype that chicks dig romance all the time) - NO ONE IS GOING TO GO WATCH THIS MOVIE TO SEE A LOVE STORY! In fact, the whole thing was really badly done; there was no pretense of romance (though we all knew it was coming). Then, suddenly, BAM! We progress to an appropriate time in the movie and we have our 3 minutes of romance. What the fuck?

Now, don't get me wrong - Blade II isn't as bad as some of the things I've seen in the past few years. It just isn't worth watching, unless you're getting way cheap tickets and don't plan on buying any food or drinks in the theater (oh, and if you want to see the Star Wars trailer). Sadly, this is another bad comic book-based movie. Here's hoping Peter Parker does better...

Blade II

  • Best thing about it: The Star Wars trailer being interrupted by ads for a local lawyer
  • Worst thing about it: Not enough (quality) action for an action flick
  • What I thought as I left the movie theater: "So... what happened to Wolverine? Is he going to get it on with Rogue in X-Men 2?"
  • Would I watch this on a date?: Hey, I'd watch ANYTHING if I actually got a date (why do you think I have the time to do this website?)
  • Profound thought after the movie: Hugh Jackman 0wnZ Wesley Snipes