We're back! Last week was a little slow, but we're still playing catch-up. Fortunately, our list is pretty short and simple.
Top Performers
02. Wolf
On any other week, he'd be #1 again. I don't know who is writing his lines if the TV writers are on strike, but that person deserves a lot more money. He's definitely replaced Malibu as my favorite Gladiator of all time!
01. Eli Manning
I never thought I'd be writing this, but you did okay there, Eli. Taking down the Evil Empire and shutting up bandwagon Bostonites everywhere deserves the top spot... even if your expressions can all be summed up by various emoticons. :-| :-O :-o :-[
Worst Performers
01. Bill Belichick
There's no contest. It was so lopsided, we didn't even bother looking for 4 more losers. At least he was classy enough to stick around until the clock hit 0... oh, wait. No, he wasn't. Hubris, Bill... hubris.
Slightly tardy because of the long weekend, but we're back with our Power Rankings this week. This time around, we expand them as more shows have debuted.
Top 5
05. Gene Simmons
We probably won't include reality TV stars very often, particularly since we don't watch a lot of it. But Gene Simmons' self-induced firing in The Celebrity Apprentice provided some hilarious moments. Like him or not, you have to respect the man's cajones.
04. Gus
Just because Shaun's non-psychic friend can show old ladies a "MARVELOUS" dancing time!
Movies
Best Movies of the Year
12. 300
Easily the best comic film adaption to date, we can only hope Watchmen turns out as well.
11. Knocked Up
10. Live Free or Die Hard
Truly, an updated take on the Die Hard franchise, this film showed us that John McClane still has some life left in him. It'd be higher on the list if it didn't eventually derail into bombastic action sequences.
09. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
08. Grindhouse
- The Mediocre Minds Staff
It's the end of the year, and that always means lots of work to do if your job is making video games. So I apologize for the length of our absence, but - hey! - we're back. And we brought our plastic guitars with us. We talk about Rock Band (the game that makes us both feel like we have some shred of musical talent), the movie Beowulf, and - on an unexpectedly serious note - the role of women in the video game industry.
Download Netcast 011
Show Notes and Links
- We talk about Rock Band, the new video game by Harmonix
- Here's some dude shredding "Green Grass and High Tides" by the Outlaws on Expert; we can't do this, to our dismay, but we both love this game
- We thought Beowulf (in 3D) was a thoroughly mediocre experience, but at least it had "naked" Angelina Jolie
- Finally, we discussed women in the video game industry:
- This discussion was brought up when we were discussing the (relatively) recent Assassin's Creed/Jade Raymond/Ubisoft "controversy"
- Jon brought up an MTV interview with Morgan Webb
Let's face it: not all music stands the test of time. Even fewer music videos stand the test of time. In our newest feature, I will cover some terrible music videos of songs you may or may not recognize. Note that I'm not necessarily going for the worst music videos of all time - I'm just going for the ones that are embarrassingly bad, by bands that are relatively well-known. We can all go on YouTube and find something truly terrible, but that's not the point of this exercise. Actually, I'm not sure what the point is, only that there is one, and it's what I want it to be.
Today, I'll bring you one of my all-time favorites: Van Halen's "Jump". A seminal song. An awful music video. Yes, this was made when music videos were in their infancy, but there's really no excuse for something this bad.
Okay, let's start the analysis.
Video game webcomic Penny Arcade runs a fantastic charity called Child's Play (not to be confused with the movie of the same name). While browsing Penny Arcade's website today, I noticed a link to Desert Bus for Hope, a website focused on supporting Child's Play this year. What really sets this site apart is how it raises money for Child's Play - the creators are going to play the obscure but infamous game Desert Bus.
Now I'm pretty sure most of you don't know about Desert Bus. Allow me to enlighten you - trust me, if you enjoy video game minutiae, it'll be quite worth it.
Desert Bus is one of several minigames that were supposed to appear on Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors, a game that was supposed to be released way back in the day in 1995. Desert Bus tasks you with driving a bus from Tucson, Arizona to Las Vegas, Nevada, one of the most boring drives in America. The bus can only go at 45 MPH... and you play the game in real time, which means it takes you roughly 8 hours to complete the trip. Oh, and there is no pause or save.
There are no other cars on the road. There is nothing in the way of scenery (aside from a few bugs splatting your windshield during the trip). And in case you're thinking of just taping down a button on your controller and walking away - you can't, because the road veers slightly to one side the entire time so you have to constantly correct your course. If your bus went off the road, it would overheat. You would then wait - in real time again, mind you - for a tow truck to come haul you back (and, yes, if you have to ask: that was in real time as well).
Here is a Mediocre Minds Public Service Announcement. Don't dress up your pets for Halloween. Seriously. Don't do this:
Someone selling that dog outfit at work because it was "too small" for their dog. Here's a secret: dogs don't wear clothes. They didn't evolve to wear clothes. If your dog needs clothes, then it's living in a place where it shouldn't be alive. They especially don't like being put in clothes that are too small for them. Don't put them in clothes, okay? Just don't. They don't look cute. They look idiotic. Don't call it "Dog Vader". It's not funny. It's pathetic. Why are you putting that animal through that crap?
It's a dog. It's not a Barbie. It's not your kid. Leave the poor thing alone. If there's any justice, someone will put YOU in some other species' ideas of amusing clothing and cluck over how cute you are and give you snacks, you jackass.
So, what's the deal with the "Baby on Board" stickers? I see them on cars fairly often. Okay, you have a baby in the car, yuppie minivan driver. So? What do you want me to do?
Should I drive more carefully because you have a baby in the car? Is it okay to drive recklessly and possibly kill you if you didn't have a baby in the car? But wait, you do - I can't possibly kill a BABY. The baby hasn't done anything wrong. You? You might have avoided paying your taxes. You might be a serial killer. You might even have forgotten to floss regularly. It's okay to kill YOU, isn't it? Just not the baby. For all that his holy, be safe around the baby.
Maybe you're not trying to get me to drive safely. Maybe you're showing off that you DO have a baby. Is that some kind of a jab at all the infertile couples or singles out there? That's just wrong.
Or maybe you're just trying to tell me a fact. Hey, I have one too. I hate you. Here's another: I don't put dumbass stickers on my car. I'm sure you'd be just as interested in reading those as I am in your "Baby on Board" sticker.
Yaaarrhhh, landlubbers!
We return aga'n this year fer Talk Like A Pirate Day 2007! An' this be Cap'n Binkley's birthday as well, so we'll surely celebrate our good fortune with some rum!
So while ye plunder booty, engage in the sweet trade, and quaff some Cap'n Morgan's, throw a glass back to celebrate the fact that Mediocre Minds be the first hit if ye search for "Captain Cervantes" on Google. AARRRHH, that be some fine privateering, if I do say so meself!
Next year's goal: to get the first hit for "Miguel de Cervantes"?
While ye wait for our next content update, why not go pirate yer favorite copyrighted work? No, we don't really suggest ye do that, but ye could... if you knew where to find a Pirate Bay or something. It wouldn't be right, but ye could just for this one day, and then go buy the copyrighted work the next day. Just thinkin' out loud, ye see, laddy (or poppet, as the case may be). Just thinkin' out loud.
